Eye-Catching 3D Effects

August 13, 2006

I have a friend — for the sake of anonymity, let’s call her F. Kate Temple — who has what I thought was a peculiar fetish. After a little research on the subject, I found out she’s not alone. There are tons of girls that love men who create and give PowerPoint presentations. Most of all, they love transitions. We’re not talking out of the box fades or left to right wipes, they like TV-style 3D effects. The cheesier the better so you’re going to need plug-ins. Forget about the food for these ladies, David. You’re going to have to learn how to create a sexy presentation that rocks the white socks and tennie pumps off her feet.

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You’ll need to know how to spot these girls. They may blend in with the other fitted skirts or they might not look the part at all. Patrol streets like Park Avenue South, Madison Avenue and 42nd Street around Bryant Park. Dress business casual, no tie so they can’t pinpoint what department you work in. Scope out where people take their smoke breaks and stroll up like you work in the building. It could be your first week with the company. Try things like, “Do you work with Ryan’s group”. There’s bound to be a Ryan in charge on one of those floors filled with cubicles. Once you have a bite, mention the 60 page presentation Bill left on your plate with before he flew to Chicago last night. If her knees start to shake and she starts to perspire around the hairline, you know you’ve got a live one. If not, don’t give up, there are plenty more office buildings where that one came from.

You’ll know for sure when you ask if she’ll watch a practice run of the presentation. She’ll melt. Ask her to bring her new Proxima and meet you at your Upper East Side studio. Chill an Albariño and order Chinese food. You’re going to need some fuel.

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