There’s More Than One Way to Skin a Pole Cat

July 4, 2006


Summer time at the beach! Such a wonderful time of year. It reminds you of that first summer you noticed Lori in all her pubescent glory. She looked so amazing in that polka dot two piece you had to go hide in the dunes until your tshirt could conceal the shrinking beast in your trunks.

This is the time to recapture those glory days David. Jump in the car, point it in the direction of Maine and pick yourself up some lobsters and fresh shrimp from the dayboat. On your way back to the city, stop for ice at the convenience store next to the trailer park. Any one will do. Pop a microbrew, lean back against your rental car and wait for them to stroll by. When the one that looks like Lori comes out of the store with a gallon of milk and a loaf of white, hit the button for the trunk and show her the goods. When the saliva stops dripping from her plump lips, open the passenger door, pull out of the lot careful not to squeal wheels and head for your kitchen.

Downhome Shrimp and Lobster Boil
Serves the two of you and two of her best friends

2 lbs of fresh, not previously frozen shrimp
2- 1.25 lb lobsters
Half a dozen ears of corn
4 Tbs Old Bay Seasoning (Her name was Lisa and I saw her in Ocean City, Maryland)
1 pinch of cayenne pepper
1 tsp course sea salt
2 ipa, amber or another strongly flavored favorite

Add the Old Bay the cayenne, the beer and the sea salt to a large pot of water. Start with the shrimp. Boil them for about 3 minutes or until just cooked through. Toss the shrimp, shell and all with another pinch of old bay and a pinch of salt. Serve with a cocktail sauce.

1 4oz. can of tomato paste
2 Tbs vinegar
3 Tbs horseradish
2 Tbs lemon juice
2 Tbs water
1 tsp hot sauce

Next, in go the lobster. Recently, I’ve decided I’d rather have my head chopped off as opposed to being boiled alive, so I put the tip of my knife just behind the eyes of the lobster and split the head in two before I put them in the boiling water. It just makes me feel better. Boil the lobsters for about 7 minutes or until just cooked through. I like to split the tails before I put them bare naked on the brown paper covering the table. That way she can dig right in and enjoy. She’ll go for a claw next and you can watch her wrestle with it. When it cracks and spatters lobster juice on her nose, you can wipe it off gently and enjoy a WB11 moment. Serve with melted butter.
While you pop another beer, slip the corn in the pot and boil for 7-9 minutes depending on how well-done you like your corn. I like it to have a bite — al dente. By this time, she should be doing suggestive things with the corncob. Oh, don’t forget the potato salad.

Citrus Aiolli

1 egg yolk
1 tsp taragon mustard
1 clove minced garlic
1 tsp lemon juice
1 Tbs lemon zest
1/4 cup olive oil

Mix all ingredients together and whisk the olive oil in a slow drizzle. While your pot is coming to a boil, you can have her drizzle the olive oil in while you whisk with deliberate strokes.

Dill Potato Salad

6 russet potatoes
1/4 cup chopped fresh dill
1/8 cup citrus aoilli
1/4 cup minced red onion
salt and cracked pepper



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