Tomato Eggplant Ragout

We awoke from our deep slumber with a serious hangover and tongues swollen from the Raki. After a rose scented Turkish coffee, we decided that finding another dinner as amazing as the previous night’s would be impossible in Izmir. So we headed for the airport.

We caught the next flight to Palermo and from there found a wobbly helicopter to take us to Balcone di Sicilia, a farm in the hills above Marina di Ragusa. We arrived just in time to pick tomatoes from the garden for the evening’s ragu. The dark beauty in the kitchen pulling pasta in long strokes while sweat ran from the her neck to her exposed cleavage told us where to find her husband in the gardens.

The fat man we found plucking basil was not exactly what we expected. He had a hole in his trousers through which his thickly veined satchel protruded when he bent over. We stood there with mouths agape while he chuckled, then showed us the secrets to his marriage. Five beautiful gardens filled with plum tomatoes, eggplants, zucchinis, chiles and herbs.

He gave us a basket and we filled half of the basket with tomatoes that looked as if they were about to burst. The other half we filled with eggplant, basil, tarragon and cayenne.

His wife prepared our pick into an amazing ragout within the hour. The fat man swore the secret was in the drops of her sweet perspiration. He slapped her buttocks and chuckled. I asked for a small bottle of her essence, but all we received were more chuckles and another plate of pasta.

—
About 1 kilo of ripe red plum tomatoes, peeled and coarsely chopped
2 medium-sized eggplants, peeled and cut in small cubes
1 large onion, minced
4 cloves of garlic, smashed
2 cayenne peppers, deseeded and minced
2 handfulls of basil leaves, torn
1 handfull of tarragon leaves, torn
1 cup Nebbiolo, Pinot Nero or other Sicilian red wine
Sicilian Olive oil
Sea Salt

Boil a pot of water, add the tomatoes in small batches. Remove after 1 minute and set aside to peel when cool. Saute the onion in olive oil for 2 or 3 minutes until translucent. Add the smashed garlic and saute for 2 or 3 minutes more.

Add the eggplant, cayenne and saute for about 15 minutes until soft. Add the tomatoes, the red wine and cook about 15 minutes until the liquid has reduced and the sauce is thickening.

Add the herbs and cook for another 10 or 15 minutes. This sauce should taste fresh and bright, so the cooking time should be less than an hour.

Toss with fresh linguini and serve the wine with which you cooked. If she likes it spicier, add a drizzle of pili pili.

Kabak Çorbasi

We left Chios on a ferry headed for Izmir, Turkey. By the time we arrived, just before lunch, our stomachs were rumbling. The waterfront was filled with wonderful aromas of fish and spices, but all the restaurants were “full”. We hoofed it from door to door, finally begging for a meal to no avail. You’d think a hundred years might wash away Hellenic Genocide, but NO! I can’t even get a glass of raki and an oil cured olive in the middle of the day.

We just happened to arrive on the same day the United States House of Representatives Foreign Affairs Comittee ruled Turkey’s Armenian slaughter “genocide”. NO LUNCH FOR YOU MR. AMERICA!

Our hunger sudued, but our desperation rising we plopped our bags down in front of a small house on the far side of the bay and nibbled the last crumbs of aged sheeps milk cheese while contemplating our next move. The face of an elderly woman magically appeared in the window of the house as spicy pumpkin drifted over and bit our noses.

I twisted my face into the most pitiful knot I could manage. When that didn’t work, I offered her 10 Lira. We feasted like kings! The meze was amazing with tall glasses of raki, but the pumpkin soup was the most memorable.

I did, however, feel a little uncomfortable when she cupped my package while I was thanking her for the recipe upon our exit. The things I do for you, David.

Downhome Pumpkin Stock
—
Sautee a couple of onions 2 Tbs olive oil until translucent. Add 12 cups of water, turn up the heat to high and add trimmings of celery, carrots, potatoes, parsley, thyme, sea salt and the scrapings from your pumpkin. Bring to a boil, reduce the heat, add a turkish (not Greek) bay leaf and simmer for 40 mins. Strain the stock, transfer to a smaller pot, add another Turkish bay leaf and simmer for 10 to 15 minutes more.
Spicy Pumpkin Soup (Kabak Çorbasi)
—
3 lb pumpkin, calabaza or butternut squash
3Tbs whole butter
1 bulb fennel, thinly sliced
1 cup white wine
3 large shallots or one medium onion, coarsely chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
3 cayenne peppers, deseeded
4 cups stock
2 sprigs thyme
1/2 teaspoon turmeric
1/2 teaspoon cardomom
1/2 teaspoon cumin
A handful of fresh basil
As much tarragon as you like
salt, to taste
—
Sautee fennel in 2 tbs olive oil for 5 minutes until soft. Add the shallots and sautee for a few minutes more until translucent. Add the cooked pumpkin, reserved juices, the cayenne and cook for 5 minutes more. Add the stock, 1/4 cup Raki, thyme, bring to a boil and simmer covered for 30 minutes. Allow the soup to cool for 15 minutes.

When the soup is cool enough to taste without burning your genitals, remove the herb stems and pass through your food mill or puree in your blender. The soup should be a thick, rich and velvety, but not pudding like. Add additional stock to thin as needed, taste for salt, and garnish with tarragon and basil. If your date likes it spicier, garnish with minced fresh cayenne. Serve with Raki (Arrack) or a fine Pastis.

Greek Goddess

If you meet a fiery redhead from Nebraska, this dish will not win her affections, David. However, if you meet a Greek Goddess from Chios, she’ll be making sounds in ancient languages before dessert.

Farro has a long and lusty history. It is the original grain from which all others were born. It fed the Royal and the masses of the Mediterranean and the Near East for thousands of years. The Romans carried enormous sacks full on long journeys to Greece as offerings to Aphrodite. When presented with the delicious, tawny grains, she would shudder with joy and bestow her precious gifts of love.

Accept no substitutes, David. Don’t let them fool you with spelt or some other mushy offspring. Use the Real McCoy, Triticum dicoccum.

Insalata di Farro
—
2 cups farro
1/2 cup oil cured olives, pitted
4 tablespoons capers
2 cucumbers, peeled, deseeded and diced
2 Brandywine tomatoes, diced
1 handful of arugula, finely chopped
1/4 cup parsley, finely chopped
1 Tbs fresh marjoram
1 Tbs fresh thyme
1 shallot, minced
4 Tbs Greek olive Oil
Juice of 1/2 lemon
Sea salt
Sheep’s milk feta for garnish

Cover farro with water and soak for 45 minutes. Drain and simmer in vegetable stock 45 minutes or until tender. If you don’t have stock handy, throw a couple of carrots, an onion, a stalk of celery and a bay leaf in with the farro and make sure you remove them.

Drain and toss with all remaining ingredients. Plate with a few leaves of arugula, garnish with a thin slab of the feta, serve with fresh baked pita and watch her go wild. Consider an Agiorghitiko.

Remember the scene in Mediterraneo where the voluptuous young woman was sitting on her front porch beating the octopus on the stoop to tenderize it for the evening meal? If you don’t, she will. Serve grilled octopus for the second course.

Hot Sex on a Platter

We’re on sabbatical, working furiously on the first proofs of the new cookbook, Hot Sex on a Platter. A pdf sampler will be available in a few weeks. Meanwhile, pour an apertif.

Blue Crab Boil

The first thing you’ll need to make this a successful dish is a dinner guest who becomes sexually excited by the primal nature of eating with your hands. One who’s not afraid to tear claw from carapace and suck the sweet meat from the shell. Optimally, you’ll invite a young lady—or lad if you prefer—who grew up on the shores of the Chesapeake and was schooled in Paris. A woman who can crack a claw with her teeth and appreciate a bottle of fine wine.

One dozen Chesapeake Bay clams
6 large Chesapeake Bay blue crabs
6 large day boat Atlantic Shrimp
2 ears of local sweet corn, trimmed and cut in half
4 local fingerling potatoes, cut in half diagonally
2 Tbs Old Bay Seasoning
3 cloves of garlic
10 pink peppercorns
1 sprig of fresh rosemary
2 sprigs of fresh thyme
1/2 cup fresh parsley, chopped
1 fresh cayenne pepper, deseeded
Juice of one lemon
Lemon wedges for garnish
2 bottles of Albariño
Sea salt

Cover your table with several layers of the Financial Times. This isn’t to suggest you boast of your financial prowess, David. Everything will just look so delicious when served on pink newsprint.

Start with the clams
In a large enameled stock pot, add half a bottle of Albariño, rosemary, thyme, garlic, cayenne and sea salt. Bring to a boil and simmer for 15 minutes. Add the lemon juice and clams. Steam with the lid on until the clams just open, about 10 minutes. Garnish with fresh parsley and serve immediately with glasses of Albariño and clarified rosemary butter.

The main course
Fill the pot about half way with cool well water, add 2 Tbs Old Bay and bring to a boil. Add the potatoes, the corn and boil for 5 minutes. Remove the corn and check the potatoes. They may need a minute or two more.

Detangle the live crabs and bring them to a swift end by submerging them in boiling water. Cook for 8 minutes and remove immediately. Toss the shrimp and the par boiled corn in the pot and boil for 2 to 3 minutes.

Season the crabs with more Old Bay and arrange whole lot on the pretty pink newsprint. Garnish with parsely and serve with clarified rosemary butter and red wine vinegar.

Happy Anniversary: Second Course

Seared Day Boat Scallops with Lemon Basil Pasta
—
I awoke the morning before our 14th anniversary to a whispered request. “How about Danny Kaye’s Lemon Pasta,” Jennifer said in morning voice. In my half woken state I heard, “Baby, are you gay?” We had been celebrating all week and thrown back quite a few negronis the night before, but for the life of me I couldn’t think of anything that would make Jennifer ask me such a question.

This recipe was adapted from Ruth Reichl’s recipe. From the looks of her recent editor’s photo, she’s enjoyed many bowls full. I do love her hair.

6 fresh day boat sea scallops
1 pound fresh fettucine
3 Tbs unsalted butter
3/4 cup heavy cream
Zest of 2 lemons
Juice of one lemon
1/2 cup lemon basil leaves
Sea Salt
Freshly ground pink peppercorns
Freshly grated Parmigiano

Bring 4 quarts of water to a boil in a large pot. Add a pinch of salt. If you have fish stock in your fridge, add 2 cups. If not, don’t sweat it because you’re still going to have the best sex of your life tonight.

Remove the tab from the side of the scallops and season with salt and pepper. Cover and refrigerate for at least 30 mins.

Heat butter in a large saute pan over low heat. Add the cream, lemon juice and a pinch of salt. Remove from heat and cover.

Add a teaspoon of olive oil to a cast iron skillet or your favorite searing pan. Heat the oil over a medium flame until almost smoking. Sear the scallops for 2 minutes per side until not quite opaque. They will continue to cook after you take them off the heat.

At the same time, boil the pasta for 2 minutes until al dente. Ladle 1/4 to 1/2 cup pasta water into the cream and drain pasta in colander.

Toss the pasta with the cream, lemon zest and basil leaves and a little Parmigiano. Mound a large twirl of pasta on your finest china. Top with the seared scallops and garnish with basil leaves. Serve with more Champagne and be gay!

Happy Anniversary

It all started in 1989. I seduced my lovely and occasionaly still blushing bride to be with Roasted Salmon, Watercress Beurre Blanc, Haricovert, 2 mediocre bottles of white and Sade on my new CD player. After the raspberry tarts it was backrubs by candlelight. That’s right, David, I had moves before you were a peanut in the womb.

Yesterday, we dusted off Love Delux and celebrated our 14th anniversary.

first course
Bruschetta of Chanterelles and Fresh Red Currants on Sullivan Street Bakery’s Pane Integrale for 2
—
1/2 pint Yellow Foot Chanterelles
A handful of fresh red currants
1 shallot, minced
2 Tbs butter
Pinch of fresh cayenne pepper, minced and deseeded
1/2 cup Champagne
4 slices of stale bread
1 clove of garlic
4 sprigs of tarragon for garnish

Preheat the oven to 400. Clean and slice the mushrooms. Rinse and remove the stems from the currants. Place the bread on a baking sheet and toast 10 minutes per side or until crisp. Remove from the oven, rub with the clove of garlic and toast for a few minutes more.

Heat the butter in a large saute pan over low heat. Increase the heat to medium, add shallots, a pinch of cayenne and for 2 minutes until transluscent and soft. Add the mushrooms and stir to coat. Saute for 2 minutes and add the Champagne and the currants. Reduce the liquid by half about, 3 minutes more. You want the currants to wilt, but not turn to jam.

Top the bread with the sauteed mushrooms and garnish with sprigs of tarragon. Refill the glasses of Champagne and toast to 14 years more.

Soft Shells

The first softshell crab I encountered was not a culinary gem. The chef de cuisine also happened to be the driver for the Delmar Volunteer Fire Department. Both his cooking and his driving were involved in many accidents.

Ashes from the cigarette that dangled from his lip fell into the same vat of bubbling oil that he dumped buckets of bird parts and on top of that, soft shell crabs. When the crabs were saturated with oil, they were removed, slapped between two slices of white bread and tossed on a paper plate. If I put enough ketchup on it, I could choke it back.

Since then, I’ve enjoyed the most delightful soft shell crabs from more refined chefs and they have come to mark a highlight in the Spring and Summer Seasons. More importantly David, soft shells are quite the aphrodisiac.

This particular soft shell recipe was inspired by the chefs at Union Square Cafe.

Softshell Crab with Cucumber Peach Salad and Crispy Old Bay Frites
Serves 2
—
The Frites
2 large white potatoes
1 Tbs olive oil
2 tsp Old Bay Seasoning

Preheat the oven to 425. Using your mandoline, julienne the potatoes. Toss them with the olive oil and the Old Bay. Place them in a single layer on a lightly oiled baking sheet. Bake for 25 – 30 minutes or until crisp.

The Peach Salad
1 ripe yellow peach, diced
1 english cucumber, deseeded and diced
1 yellow summer straighneck squash, diced
2 spring onions or scallions, thinly sliced
A handful mint leaves, chopped finely
A smaller handful of basil leaves, chopped finely
Juice of half a lemon
1 Tbs olive oil
Sea Salt

Combine all ingredients in a large bowl. Cover and refrigerate for 15 – 30 minutes.

The Soft Shells
I prefer to store the crabs live and clean them just before I’m ready to saute. I know you’re not squeamish, David, but others may be. If that’s the case you can always have your fishmonger clean them for you, but make sure you put them in a hot pan shortly afterwards.

2 shoft shell crabs
2 Tbs vegetable oil
1 cayenne pepper, deseeded and cut in half
OR 1 teaspoon chile infused olive oil

Clean the crabs by snipping off their faces with a pair of scissors and removing the skirt.
If you’re using fresh cayenne, heat the oil with the cayenne. If you’re using the chile oil, heat the oil until almost smoking, then add the chile oil. Sautee the crabs for 2 minutes per side without stirring. They should be red and firm.

The Plate
Cut the tops of small kraft brown paper gift bags with pinking shears. Fill with frites. Mound the peach salad on the plate and top with the soft shell like a tilted chapeau. Serve with an Albariño or a glass of dry rosé. If your dinner guest is down home, pop a crisp ale.

Tuna Burger with Green Olive Salsa

Don’t be wasteful, David. People are starving in your backyard and they’ve emptied the cooler of full of Belgian white. Reserve the trimmings from the New Sashimi and whip up this delightful number on the grill or on your stove top.

This recipe serves you and three other bikini clad backyard beauties or one very large man in a thong.
—
1 and 1/2 lbs fresh yellowfin tuna, including trimmings from New Sashimi, finely chopped
3 scallions, thinly sliced
1 tsp soy sauce
1 tsp dijon mustard
1/4 cup cilantro, finely cut
2 smoked chiles (ancho or jalapeño, depending on how spicy your ladies like it)
1 tablespoon olive oil
Sea salt and freshly ground pink peppercorns

Combine all ingredients in a large bowl and season with salt and pepper. Shape the mixture firmly into 4 round patties about 1 and 1/2-inches thick. Refrigerate for 30 minutes until the moment you are ready throw them on the fire. Meanwhile, make the olive salsa.

Green Olive Salsa
—
1/2 cup green arbequina olives
1 brandywine tomato
1 teaspoon capers
1/4 cup cilantro, chopped fine
1 serrano pepper, deseeded and minced
Squeeze of lemon juice
Lemon Zest
Sea Salt
Combine all ingredients in a large bowl and refrigerate for 15 – 30 minutes.

Open another Blanche de Bruges and stoke the coals. Grill the burgers for 2 to 3 minutes per side until medium rare. Serve on whole grain bread or ciabatta with homemade kettle chips.

New Sashimi

I once served this dish to my good friend Mayumi and she said, “Delicious! Not sashimi.” Since then, David, I’ve taken a cue from Chef Matsuhisa and toss the word “new” into the air just before I swat it with the word “sashimi”. This enables you to serve your sashimi anyway you damn well like. It’s not traditional, but, if it’s good enough for Nobu, it’s good enough for Mayumi.

The only ingredient you’ll really need for this dish is top quality fish that has been pulled from the water the day your going to serve the sashimi. For this, you’ll need to go to the source.

The fishermen who run PE and DD Seafood in Riverhead, NY left the harbor at 10 pm Friday night. They steered back in to the harbor with a boat full of tuna, flounder and bluefish around 4 am on Saturday morning. We were clinking glasses of chilled sake and lunching by Noon.

I served the tuna with a summer salad, but you can just dip one end of the fish in a little soy sauce and you’re still a star.

New Tuna Sashimi with Minted Summer Salad
For 2
—
1/2 pound fresh tuna
1 cup blondkopchen or other heirloom cherry tomato variety
1 Japanese climbing cucumber, seeded and cut into small cubes
1 costata romanesco zucchini, cut into small cubes
1 full-strength jalapeño or 2 serrano peppers, diced
2 scallions sliced thin
1/4 cup cilantro, chopped fine
1/4 cup wild mint, chopped fine
1 teaspoon of olive oil
squeeze of lime
sea salt

Cut the cherry tomatoes into 1/8ths, because she matters, David. Resistance is futile. Place them in a bowl and let them rest while you cut the cucumber and zucchini into small cubes.

Drain the tomatoes and add all other ingredients. Toss gently and allow to rest in the fridge for 15 minutes. Check for salt.

Trim the tuna into a block. Slice it at an angle 1/8th of an inch on the bias.

Mound the summer salad just off center. Arrange 3 or 4 slices of fish to the side of the salad. Dot the plate with a good quality shoyu and garnish with chives. Serve with Ohyama Saké or a chelada.