Black Ginger Cookies

Just because you bake a few trays of cookies doesn’t mean you’re a metrosexual. It means you know the way to a woman’s heart, and with this recipe, her loins. Don’t be afraid to show sensitivity. It’ll all balance out with the hair pulling.

This recipe was handed down from a Jamaican matchmaker. Think Naomie Harris in Pirates of the Caibbean: Dead Man’s Chest.

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2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour, sifted
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp ground cinnamon
3/4 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp grated nutmeg
1/4 tsp ground gloves
1/4 tsp salt
2 sticks unsalted butter
1/3 cup packed moscovado sugar
1/4 cup black molasses
1 tsp heavy cream
Turbinado sugar for rolling

Preheat oven to 330º. Grind the spices in a mortar. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper. In a bowl, combine flour, baking soda, salt and spices. In a separate bowl, beat the butter until creamy. Add the brown sugar and molasses. Beat on medium speed until light and fluffy. You can use a handmixer or your manly red kitchenaid. Beat in the cream, then beat in the dry ingredients at low speed. Refrigerate for 30 minutes.

Roll tablespoons of the dough into balls. That’s right, balls. Roll the balls into the sugar. Arrange them on the baking sheets about 2 inches apart. Bake for 14 to 20 minutes until just set. Ovens vary, so do a test run before you invite her over. Pour 2 snifters of aged rum while the cookies cool. Feed them to her while they’re still warm.